I know two widows, and their widowhood is very recent. One has been a widow for a week, has a teenage child to worry about and the other has been a widow for four months. They married into the same family, and both are widows because of suicide. One is still asking the questions that go with the issue of “why” and the other one is wondering “what now.” Both women are vital to me because their father-in-law was my deceased husband. As a widow once myself, I can tell them the steps of grief they will have to go through. I can say to them they will feel as though they are going insane, but they’re not. I can tell them how the couples they use to hang out with will make them feel even more alone and the couples don’t even know it. I can say to them that for months there will not be a day they don’t cry. I know the trials of widowhood, but I don’t know the helplessness of knowing the one man I truly loved felt so desperate he killed himself. I don’t know how I would explain this desperation to my son and try to comfort him. I don’t know an exceptional strength it would take to go on after your partner in life committed suicide.
Life has more turns than we are prepared for sometimes. We can call them “plot twists.’ as a social media meme suggests, but it still hurts, and the twists still hurt deeper than we are ready to accept. My heart breaks for these women who were happy and planning to face life with their loved ones. These great women who went on about life as usual until…
I am very proud of these two women for the strength they are displaying. I appreciate their questions about life and how they can pick up their pieces and move on. They cannot see right now that they have excellent strength and are in a position to know the comfort of God and the hope He holds out to them in love in a very special way.
In my book, Hotdogs Are the New Broccoli, Sydney is a new widow. She faces the decision to be strong and move forward with her life or fold in on herself in grief. She doesn’t know if she can move on and questions whether she should. Emotional pain can make us feel quilt never intended for the grieving. She asks questions like: is there a debt I need to pay to grief or a fee I need to pay so I can move on. These are common questions asked by the grieving when they first start to desire a new beginning. Another question is: who am I now? Although Sydney’s husband did not commit suicide, his death was too soon, and Sydney feels she could have prevented it if things had been different.
Are you a widow or a divorcee? How are you moving past the hurt or are you? If you are not ready to move on, what is stopping you? There is Light at the end of your tunnel.