I like to start my mornings with a good cup of coffee and a notebook for journaling my thoughts. I realize I have gone overboard.  Not overboard with coffee (is that even possible?) or journaling although I have too many journals and so little time.

I have used retail therapy too much as a means to calm my nerves, and now, I am surrounded by TOO much “therapy.”I need therapy for my therapy! It is disheartening to look at it and know that if I had the money instead of the items, I would be much richer and more at peace. Peace is what I am looking for, and I am not finding it in the jungle of craziness. I prayed about it, “Lord, I am ashamed of myself. I am buying without using, and now I am overwhelmed, and I don’t know what to do.”

I have been wondering about hearing God’s voice. A lot of people talk about hearing God’s voice, and I know I have heard his voice too. His voice is quiet and uninterruptive. I have been hearing and ignoring his voice since I was in my 20’s. I am sure it was his voice because if I didn’t do as He instructed, I was usually sorry. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I never thought so.

After I had my prayer and journal time, I started doing some research for a writing project I have. I picked up one of the books I was using for research, and I couldn’t believe my eyes! The story was about how to hear God’s voice and how to distinguish his voice from our own thoughts. I want to share with you what I learned. I think this is exciting! When I pray, I don’t usually get such quick answers. Maybe God is feeling uncomfortable about my mess too! He may see it as urgent as I do!

This is taken from Awaken, by Priscilla Shirer and applied by me:

So, in my reading, the first way we can tell if God is in our situation is if we feel peace. I do not feel calm at all. I feel overwhelmed and a grand feeling to just walk away from it all.  Ms. Schirer goes on to say that the enemy uses tactics of fear, coercion, and intimidation. The coercion part happened at the store, but the rest I was feeling right now today. I am totally intimidated by the mess I have made, and some of it requires me to be busier and more involved in using it than I have time to give. There’s that feeling of wanting to run again rising in my soul!

Take a deep breath; she says, “with the knowledge that His purposes have been specifically calculated with both you and his larger plan in mind.” Sounds good, maybe even hopeful. She continues, “Allow yourself the freedom to sit back and wait with holy confidence, assured that this is the pace of your life today.” What??

I am going to confess my sin. When I was widowed, I felt lost and without purpose. I started using some yarn to make things for an organization called “Knit for Kids” and also for the homeless. It seemed practical, but so much of the yarn I had was in adult, dull colors. Then there was a sale. Yup, I sure did! Then Knit for Kids made a policy that all knitters were only to use a particular manufacturer for yarn. Yup. Then the lady’s group at the church cleaned out their craft closets, and they gave away piles of yarn. Yup! My friend had a yard sale and sold all her yarn at an unbelievable price and well…..yup, I’ll use it. If I would have stopped then, but…..

I am one person trying to make things for a thousand people I don’t know, and Ms. Shirer is saying I should sit back with freedom and a holy confidence? I want desperately to hear from God and have Him tell me that elves will appear each night and knit or crochet blankets, hats, scarves, mittens, and all of the yarn will be used up. That’s what I want to hear before I feel freedom and confidence. I want  God to at least let me know I can actually use up all this yarn.

Ms. Shirer says that God will not tell us the whole picture at one time. He will guide us in each step as we are ready. God is always about trust and relationship, I guess. He is trustworthy, and I know I can trust Him—I just have to do it.

Today while organizing my “she shed,” I found a pattern for a lovely, yet simple baby blanket. That could be my first step to freedom. She says if I only hear a tiny first step from God act on that. Stay put on that first step until I hear more. So today I will start my first baby blanket for a pregnancy center near me. I will be content to know I am in the will of God. I do feel peace if I only think about the first step and act on it.

Tomorrow, I will pray that I will not know about another yarn sale until I have used up most of my yarn. I will enjoy the process of hearing from God and acting on his instruction. I will trust in his guidance and wait for his clear direction. It’s exciting to think I am not just knitting for charity; I am doing it with God!