Now that life has slowed down I see my life and person a little different than I used to. I actually don’t know if I gave it much thought when I was raising children, working, maintaining a household, a marriage and all that goes with all of that. I just worked at the most urgent, and for goodness sakes my self or personality was not my focus. I hit the ground running and never looked inside myself. You know what I mean, you were there too. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, the years from high school graduation until retirement were packed with meaningful activities.

Now my life has slowed down, and that’s an understatement. Mornings are quiet. My daughter has called early in the morning, and I hear our granddaughter in the background and remember how mornings used to be with small children, and I praise God those days are over, and I pray for her patience.

I’m reclusive and a meditator and today I was thinking about how I don’t trust God as the Psalmist in Psalm 20 did. I have taught Bible classes in which we looked at the attributes of God. I start my prayers by praising God for his characteristics. I know them and have seen them on display in my life and the stories in the Bible, especially in Deuteronomy. I just spent three months writing a Bible exposition from the Book of Deuteronomy. I was awed by how invested and involved God was with the Israelites. His loving kindness never ends!

So why don’t I trust God after all these years? I still worry, try to handle my own affairs, charge forward without a plan many times. God is often my last resort rather than my first thought. I don’t think that’s uncommon since I read other Christian authors who say the same thing.

My niece told me the other day that “Life is not a race; it is a journey.” She was quoting something she had read, but it hit me. I told her God was really showing me how I need to slow down, and He is helping me by giving me his calm and peace during my efforts at many things. Accomplishment is my main goal no matter what I’m doing. I want to get my current project done and move on to another. That spills over into my relationships too. I am sad to tell you. Is it a carryover from days gone by, or has my attention span shrunk? Am I racing against time so that I accomplish something before I lost interest and who knows when I will get back to it? Or why is it like that?

I have probably spent a lot of my life introverted, which means I have spent a lot of my life not really involved in life. Most of my living has been lived in my head, watching others actually living life. I was happy that way. And I am at least glad that I have no joint pains and no need for replacement surgery because there never was much stress on any part of my body/ So, all bad. I think this attitude has invaded my spiritual life.

In my head I know that God is faithful, trustworthy, Omnipotent, almighty, immutable, love, merciful, compassionate, the Source of everything, Creator, Provider, our Rock and Refuge, and so much more. I know this with all certainty I have seen this in my life. He is a Promise Keeper. There is absolutely nothing I should fear because I am His child.

James tells us “faith without works is dead.” (James 2:17) Searching for this reference left me thinking I really need to read the Book of James and meditate on it. The point is if I know all the attributes of God it will not do me much good if I don’t also step our in faith trusting those attributes. Does it have to do with my personality type or is it a response to my environment? I don’t know, but I know God is a transformer of personalities, and He also has a plan and purpose for each of us. We can trust Him because his promises are true, and He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.

This is what I am pondering today, and I think it is worth sharing because I believe it is a universal human problem. Faith is what helps us yield to the transforming power of God. Faith is believing in a God that can do immeasurably more than we can imagine. His mercies are new each morning, and He is a lavishly loving Father.

The works that keep all this faith from being dead is acting like we have the faith and not worrying or having anxiety over the things we have commonly allowed to make us sit on the sidelines or risk loving. It means not shouldering the load as though it all depends on us.

I might have to come out of my shell and live.